I feel as though I need to say a few things about my personality and religious views before I move on to college. I was always, for anyone watching, the good kid. I rarely broke any rules, got angry at my parents, or was malicious toward anyone. From a young age, I was taught the Bible. I was taught that Jesus loved us and that we should "be nice." At the age of 5, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior out of a fear of hell. I grew up with a lot of the same rules as the Bible, but without any kind of legitimate relationship with the God that was in it. The most I ever did in the way of prayer was to say thanks for the food, which was little more than a few words that were essentially the same every time and spit out as fast as possible so we could eat. Everything I did "spiritually" was out of habit or mental reasoning, not love. When I knew something was wrong with my life I would try to read the Bible, but I always started at the beginning and never got much further than Deuteronomy before giving up. I only ever talked to God when I felt I needed Him to do something or give me something. I treated the Lord as an ATM machine. It was simply a religion.
My personality was one of hidden pride with an outward appearance of humility. I thought I would gain respect by being funny and smart, so that's what I always tried to do. Saying and doing things at just the right time to make people laugh was a big deal. God had given me a mind blessed in the areas of idea comprehension and memory retention, so it was easy to appear smart. I took every compliment right to the head until it swelled. I did not excel at meeting new people and making smalltalk. In an effort to avoid appearing foolish, I tried to remove myself from those situations as much as possible. This further pushed the previously introverted kid to never make connections with people that were not sure to become a solid part of his life for an extended period of time. I think this is why I have a hard time making friends with people that don't do something regularly with me.
